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Pretty, scantily-clad girls and buff, bare-chested boys sit around a firepit discussing ‘where my head is at’ and being ‘mugged off’. Each deciding whether they want to get it on with the person they’re matched with or ditch them for someone else.
Sound familiar? No, this isn’t an episode of Love Island, but Stranded on Honeymoon Island, the BBC’s new reality dating show, presented by Davina McCall, which barely bothers to hide its blatant attempts to rip off rival programmes.
Naturally, the 12-part series starting on Wednesday, is touted as a ‘bold and original social experiment’, as six couples are dumped on a deserted island to start their ‘married’ life.
‘Can isolation succeed where modern dating has failed?’ asks Davina. I think we all know the answer to that one.
In truth, Stranded on Honeymoon Island is not in the least bit ‘bold’ or ‘original’. The premise of the show is that 12 singles are matched with a potential love and then cast away on an island in the Philippines for three weeks (if they last that long), each staying on their own remote beach.
Episode one kicks off with a speed dating event where the singles, following five minutes of chat, are asked to select their favourites. The final couplings are then settled on by professional matchmakers.
Tonight, we see the first three couples to be matched and dispatched.
First up is hyper, livewire marketing manager Hannah, 29, a ‘party girl’ and Sam, 30, who runs his own fashion brand.
In the next stage of the show the pairs attend their faux wedding ceremony. The bride in a white dress and veil, walks down the aisle not knowing who is standing at the altar waiting to marry her. Sound familiar? This is where the Love at First Sight copycat element comes in (I told you it wasn’t original).
The ceremony isn’t legally binding, although even it was, I’m pretty sure the fame-hungry participants would still go along with it. As she reads her self-penned vows, Hannah admits to being ‘ditsy and not the sharpest tool in the box’. Given that she’s just agreed to ‘marry’ a bloke she’s known for five minutes, that really goes without saying.
Once castaway, couples live together in a basic beach hut, with no electricity, a double bed and a grim shower and loo.
Next to be paired are lesbian couple Helen, 35, a radio presenter who describes herself as an ‘Essex girl and raging lesbian’ and Abby, 32, a sports coach and ‘player on and off the field’.
Third couple are Mae, 30, a recruitment consultant and Moray, 28, a property developer.
Mae is a self-confessed diva who tells the audience of the fate that befell her last love. Looking misty eyed at the camera she reveals ‘there was an unfortunate accident where he fell… into his colleague’s vagina’.
I instantly love Mae and see that she and Moray are a disastrous match. He’s a shy, serious, closed book while she’s a funny, outgoing ball of energy.
And sure enough - spoiler alert - by day two on the island, he’s broken her heart by telling her that he sees her as a sister.
The couple that do connect – or ‘vibe’ to use their phrase - are Hannah and Sam. There’s just one tiny fly in the ointment though. Sam’s ex, Megan, is also taking part, and wants her former boyfriend back.
Uh oh. Surely the show’s producers wouldn’t be so devious as to air drop her onto the island to cause a few fireworks? Hmm.
On Thursday we meet the final three couples including Mille, 30, who has an ‘ick list’ longer than her arm. Her biggest ‘ick’ is men who drive manual cars. She’s matched with Jordan, 30, a sweet-natured barber. Good luck Jordan.
Posh coder Oliver, 31, gets paired with new age Aussie Taniae, 33, who presents her ‘husband’ with a box of 40 affirmations as a wedding gift. Good luck Oliver.
Finally, Ini, 28, a building safety officer is put with hunky David, 30, a marketing executive. At first they seem like a good match until dopey David makes the mistake of telling Ini that she wasn’t his first choice... it was Taniae.
Later in the week the couples gather together at ‘Couples Cove’ – the BBC’s version of Love Island’s Casa Amor – for a wedding reception.
Will David pursue Taniae, will Millie add any more icks to her list and what does Moray make of Mae’s cheeky wedding speech?
Later still, the couples have to make a decision to ‘commit or quit’.
Yes, Stranded on Honeymoon Island is, essentially, just another dating show, and yet... I rather liked it.
The participants are a good mix of brainy and bimbo, there’s no public vote, it’s all wrapped up in four weeks and Marvellous Mae is endlessly entertaining.
I ditched Love Island three years ago and swore I’d never get hooked on another reality dating show, but this has pulled me back in.
And if shouty host Davina is on your personal ick list, don’t worry – she barely features and only communicates with the castaways via video message.
Stranded on Honeymoon Island begins tonight [September 3] on BBC One and iPlayer.