How the Porsche Marxist Crashed the NDP for Carney’s Crown

In the 2025 Canadian federal election, Jagmeet Singh, the turbaned poster boy of the New Democratic Party (NDP), orchestrated a spectacular self-destruction, dragging his party to a measly seven seats and losing official party status faster than you can say "socialist" Singh himself was unceremoniously booted from Burnaby Central, and on April 28, 2025, he announced his exit as NDP leader with the kind of crocodile tears that could water the Prairies. The NDP’s collapse is a masterclass in political seppuku, but the Ottawa gossip mill is abuzz with a juicier tale: Singh, the self-styled champion of the working class, deliberately tanked his party to hand Mark Carney’s Liberals a victory over Pierre Poilievre’s Conservative horde. So, what did the “Marxist in a Porsche” pocket from the Liberals for this grand betrayal? Pull up a chair, because this saga is dripping with irony, cynicism, and enough mystery to fuel a thousand Tim Hortons rants.

The Setup: A Freakshow Election and Singh’s Faceplant

The 2025 election was a circus of panic and posturing. Justin Trudeau, the Liberals’ fading heartthrob, jumped ship in January 2025 after a no-confidence motion—cheered by Singh, Poilievre, and the Bloc Québécois—left him as popular as a skunk at a picnic. In swooped Mark Carney, the Bay Street sorcerer with a knack for looking profound while dodging Trump’s tariff threats and annexation fever dreams. The Liberals milked the fear, painting themselves as Canada’s last stand against a MAGA apocalypse. Poilievre’s Conservatives, all populist bluster, tried to keep pace but got tripped up by their own tough-guy schtick, which voters found a tad too Trump-adjacent.

The NDP, once the scrappy voice of factory workers and campus radicals, limped into the campaign with 25 seats and a vibe best described as “optimistic denial.” Polls had them gasping at 8–11%, crushed between Carney’s tidal wave and Poilievre’s loyalists. By election day, their vote share cratered to 6.3%, a low so pathetic it had Jack Layton rolling in his grave. The Liberals snagged a minority government, three seats shy of a majority, while the Conservatives gained but got stuck in opposition. Singh’s campaign? A tragicomic pirouette from dreaming of new seats to begging progressives not to let Carney run amok with a “super majority.” And then there’s that Rebel News nugget—Singh allegedly muttering, “While we could have won lots of seats, it would have meant a Pierre Poilievre majority, and I could not stomach that.” Unverified, sure, but it’s the kind of quote that screams, “I lit my party on fire for the Grits, and I’d do it again.”

The Grand Betrayal: Singh’s Self-Immolation

Let’s not sugarcoat it: Singh didn’t trip into this disaster; he dove headfirst, grinning like a man who knows the cameras are rolling. The conspiracy crowd—er, “discerning patriots”—points to his September 2024 move to shred the supply-and-confidence deal with Trudeau’s Liberals. That 2022 pact was Singh’s big score, trading NDP votes for shiny trinkets like the Canadian Dental Care Plan, pharmacare, and anti-scab laws. It was classic NDP: small wins hyped as the second coming of medicare. But it also glued Singh to Trudeau’s sinking yacht, making the NDP look like the Liberals’ pet poodle.

When Singh tore up the deal, griping about Liberal “weakness” and “corporate greed,” he didn’t exactly storm the Bastille. Instead, he let Trudeau’s government stagger on until January 2025, when the opposition finally pulled the plug. Conservative ads pounced, branding Singh a pension-chasing sellout who propped up Trudeau for a cushy retirement. The attack landed like a sledgehammer, and the NDP’s brand took a nosedive. By campaign time, Singh was less a visionary than a piñata, his party polling flatter than Saskatchewan.

In the election’s final act, Singh’s strategy was peak irony. He started with delusions of grabbing new ridings, but as the Liberal surge became a tsunami, he switched to damage control, pleading with voters to elect just enough NDP MPs to keep Carney on a leash. His swipes at Carney—calling out his Brookfield days or warning of budget cuts—were like a vegan scolding a butcher while ordering a burger. Singh’s real enemy was Poilievre, and his “I can’t stomach a Tory win” mantra was code for, “Vote Liberal, but, like, feel bad about it.” Progressive voters, spooked by Trump’s shadow, bailed—35% to the Liberals, 14% to the Conservatives, per Innovative Research Group. The fallout? NDP bastions like Windsor West and Hamilton Centre fell, and Singh’s vision of a “fairer Canada” sank like a stone in Lake Ontario.

The irony? Singh, the guy who built his brand on sticking it to the man, ended up as Carney’s unofficial hype man, torching his party to stop a Conservative boogeyman. The cynicism? He probably saw the NDP’s doom coming—those polls were brutal—so he chose the martyr’s halo over the loser’s dunce cap.

The Payoff: What’s in the Briefcase for the Porsche Marxist?

So, what did Singh snag for tossing the NDP under the Liberal bus? No signed contract exists, but Ottawa’s rumor mill is working overtime, and the rewards—real or fantasized—are a cynical delight.

1. A Policy Tombstone to Polish

First, the yawn-inducing stuff: Singh’s supply-and-confidence deal delivered. The Canadian Dental Care Plan, pharmacare for insulin and birth control, anti-scab laws, paid sick days—Singh can point to these and crow, “I made Canada slightly less dystopian.” These are the NDP’s crown jewels, won by twisting Trudeau’s arm. Singh’s concession speech practically canonized the dental plan, as if seven seats were a fair swap for free fillings. The cynical kicker? These wins are now Carney’s to flaunt, and the NDP’s role will vanish like a bad Tinder date. Singh’s legacy is carved in granite, but it’s the headstone for his party’s relevance.

2. A Minority Puppet String (Barely)

Carney’s minority government—169 seats, give or take—needs pals to stay upright. The NDP’s seven MPs are a sad little gang, but in a hung parliament, even a gnat can buzz. Singh’s campaign harped on stopping a Liberal “super majority,” and voilà, he got it. The NDP could, in theory, nag Carney for more pharmacare, housing bucks, or climate wins (Singh loved that 30% emissions cut by 2025 fever dream). The irony? With no official party status, the NDP’s clout is weaker than a dollar-store umbrella. Still, Carney, sweating Trump’s economic hissy fits, might toss Singh’s crew a crumb to keep the peace. It’s not influence—it’s charity.

3. Singh’s Golden Getaway Car

Now for the juicy bit. Singh’s stepping down, but the Hill’s whispering about his next gig. A Senate seat? A plush ambassador post? Maybe a corner office at some Liberal-leaning NGO? No proof, but everyone’s yapping about a sweet government gig for the Porsche Marxist as a cookie for his Carney assist. The guy who raged against elite coziness could end up clinking glasses with them—irony so rich it could buy a yacht. More likely, Singh will milk his Sikh trailblazer cred for a global stage, charming UN panels or human rights outfits. Either way, his exit reeks of a man with a parachute, even as his party’s eating dirt.

4. The NDP’s Zombie Shuffle

The darkest twist: Singh’s betrayal might’ve kept the NDP on life support. A Poilievre majority could’ve gutted dental care, pharmacare, and every other NDP win, leaving the party with nothing but a Substack newsletter. By securing a Liberal minority, Singh saved his policies and gave the NDP a faint heartbeat. Progressive voters who “lent” their votes to the Liberals, as NDP strategist Anne McGrath hoped, might crawl back once Trump’s tantrums fade, letting the NDP rebuild. The irony? It’s a long shot, and the party’s stuck in the morgue for now.

Was It Worth It? A Cynic’s Take

Singh’s gamble was a bloodbath. Seven seats, down from 25, and no official party status—worse than the 1993 wipeout under Audrey McLaughlin. The NDP’s funding’s toast, its Commons time’s a whisper, and its relevance is on par with a MySpace page. Singh’s leadership, once a diversity win, is now a punchline for failing to outshine the Liberals or dodge Conservative jabs tying him to Trudeau’s flops. His inability to sell a bold vision—beyond “yay, dental care!”—left the NDP adrift, a cautionary tale for every leftist who dreams of coalition glory.

But here’s the cynical rub: a Poilievre majority would’ve been Armageddon for Singh’s agenda. Tax cuts, deregulation, and social program skepticism could’ve erased the NDP’s wins faster than you can say “austerity.” By ensuring a Liberal minority, Singh kept his policies breathing and the NDP in the game, even if it’s with a walker. Was it worth it? Maybe if you squint and ignore the smoldering wreckage. Singh’s a martyr to some, a muppet to others, and the truth is probably both.

The NDP’s implosion rewrites Canada’s script. Carney’s Liberals must juggle fiscal discipline with progressive crumbs, especially on housing and healthcare, where the NDP’s faint yowl still echoes. Poilievre’s Conservatives, stronger but sidelined, will double down on populism, risking a centrist backlash. The Bloc Québécois, with its own gains, will stir the pot, while the NDP’s fade leaves the left flank open to scrappy movements or new players.

For progressives, the NDP’s saga is a grim fable. The supply-and-confidence deal showed the power of playing ball but also the peril of snuggling too close to the big=20